Ways to Get Ahead @ Work

While sitting at my desk at ABC today I was thinking about ways to get ahead at work. These thoughts were spurred by the recent departure of one of the assistants at ABC, Zack, who just got a sweet new gig as an assistant for the No. 2 guy at FOX, whose name of course I can't remember. ( I seriously need to look into this memory loss thing...LA is causing it I swear). Thinking about his promotion and being given the opportunity to sit at his desk on the days I am here has prompted the wheels in my head to start rotating about ways to get ahead at work. With a little bit of imagination oil acting as WD-40 to make them turn more efficiently, here are some things I have come up with:

* Saving your Boss's life- I came up with this one while in the bathroom. Imagine that you walk into the bathroom and find your boss/president of the company unconscious on the floor. Not only are you concerned about her well being but you also recognize this promotion opportunity. So you naturally and flawlessly begin CPR (because she doesn't have a pulse, duh!) and look good while doing it. You are also secretly thankful that you paid attention to all of the refresher CPR courses that you had to take while working at the REC center in college. After a few short minutes, you check and see that her heart as indeed started to beat again. By now of course there is a crowd of people around you letting you know that an ambulance is on its way. After another few short minutes of rescue breathing your boss/ president of the company regains consciousness and thanks you profusely for saving her life. You tell her not to talk because she is in a delicate state and right about that time the ambulance people come up and take over. Everyone is really impressed with your quick thinking and fast acting skills and would like to see that applied in the business setting since you are getting promoted to an executive level position. SCORE!

*Intra-Office Fraternization in a Sexual Manner (IOFS)- Strongly disadvised and commonly frowned upon, not to mention your co-workers will not like you! However, to each his/her own but proceed cautiously. You never know who else has dabbled in the office coffee pot and what diseases could be lurking in there...this metaphor can be extended to water coolers and candy bowls.

* Sucking Up- This includes but is not limited to bringing your boss her/his favorite cupcakes or daily coffee (even on Saturday and Sunday). Lame.

* Hard Work - Often overrated and probably the oldest trick in the book but still a good play that is sadly not used enough.

In my professional and generally sought out opinion I would go with Saving Your Boss's Life and Hard work. Opportunities to save your Boss's life are rare and hard to find, so either create the opportunities or go with hard work which is available all the time.